In healthcare consulting, the past few years have been a wild ride, and I’ve realized that so much has fallen by the wayside while I navigated demands at work and at home. As I get out in the world more, I realize that I miss connecting – and being connected – with other people, and I want to do something about it.

In early May, I read about the importance of networking, and then I finished Taking the Work out of Networking: Your Guide to Making and Keeping Great Connections by Karen Wickre. I thought I would share my learnings with you. Maybe this post will inspire you to (re)connect with me or someone else you’ve been meaning to catch up with!

Read more: Networking for Introverts

Overview

Wickre is a self-described introvert, but she reminds us that being an introvert does not necessarily mean being shy. As defined by Carl Jung in the 1920s, introverts are simply folks who are energized by their internal world, rather than engaging with others; we just need time to recharge. She recommends using our tendency to hang back as an opportunity for observational research, like an anthropologist. So this should be easy for me, right?

While doing research for the book, Wickre learned that most people don’t like to network because it feels fake, or somehow disingenuous. But networking is a critical skill as switching jobs occurs with increasing frequency in the U.S.. Here is why:

• In the U.S., people move eleven to twelve times over the course of their lives, and it’s not right after college as you might expect, but in our thirties. We can’t count exclusively on local connections to help us find our next role.
• Today’s employees may hold a dozen different jobs over the course of their careers; current college grads will likely have even more. I had a chance to meet a number of design executives through gatherings organized by Lou Rosenfeld and Maria Giudice, and I was only one of two people that stayed in my job for more than three years; the average across industries and age groups is 4.6% (1). I think these rapid job changes are particularly true in tech, which remains a volatile field.
• Finally, with so many people being self-employed, networks are critical to the success and growth of those endeavors.

Wickre describes networking as a virtuous circle, or a gift economy (p 34):

It is in this spirit that I suggest your networking habit build around what you have to give to others.

I really like this focus on making connections and helping others as the starting point for networking. More about why that matters, below.

Later in the book, Wickre describes the importance of cultivating your network long before you need to ask for help. From a habit perspective, she recommends a “loose touch”, which I’ll describe in more detail below. It will be hard to have high-quality, sustained connections with people you don’t know well, so that means that the quality of connections is more important than the quantity.

And if your goal is to find a new job, you’re not alone; about 70% of all working-aged people are actively looking for a job change (2). Research from LinkedIn has shown that a whopping 85% of opportunities come to us through our extended network; older studies have suggested a similar 80%. The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics cites 70%, but I haven’t been able to locate the original source; I did find a study that said that 70% of jobs are never made public (3). Another study says that networking beats applying for a job by 3:1, and by 7:1 for passive candidates (4). But ~50% of people say they don’t have time to network (5), they don’t know what to say (6), or they don’t do it consistently (7). Wickre’s book offers suggestions for all of these hurdles.

Another concept that resonated with me is Wickre’s “brain trust”, which others have called an “effective core network” (p 204). This is a small, select group of people you reach out to with your most personal or challenging questions. I like to think of my network as a set of concentric rings, where that inner circle is that small set of most trusted friends and colleagues you rely on for advice at key inflection points in your career journey. Having that is critical, especially for something as impactful as a job change.

Take-aways

In this section I want to briefly introduce some key concepts from social network theory and from Wickre’s book specifically. Mainly I’d like to share the actionable advice, because, as advertised on the back cover, this is a book you can read in the morning and use in the afternoon.

What are ‘weak ties’?

I was pleased to hear Wickre describe the notion of ‘weak ties’ in Chapter 4. First written in 1974 and republished twenty years later, Mark Granovetter’s book Getting a Job: A Study of Contacts and Careers remains a seminal work. His research has focused on the “social foundations of the economy” (8), and it has shown that our more distant connections are critical for the flow of information through society. If you like an underdog story, you’d enjoy knowing that his original paper was initially rejected for publication, but is now one of the most cited works (over 60K times!) in the social sciences (9).

Sadly, one major gap in Granovetter’s work is that his research was exclusively with men (Granovetter, p 7), arguing that women’s career patterns were different enough to warrant a separate study. His respondent pool in the Boston area for both interviews and the survey was also 99% white (p 17).

There is a lot of interesting, accessible reading on social network theory if it’s a topic that interests you. One of my favorites is a book called Connected: The Surprising Power of Our Social Networks and How They Shape Our Lives. You can read my summary and some of the most compelling case studies in earlier blog posts. Relevant to this post, one big takeaway from Connected is that we both shape our networks and are shaped by them. We have agency and we should take advantage of that fact; being central in your social network improves everything from income to happiness to long-term health.

The ‘Loose Touch’ habit

Chapter 3 begins with the assumption that we all need help at some point, whether for a job search, medical guidance, or something else; it also assumes that you are open to helping others when they reach out to you for assistance.

She describes this virtuous circle as a “gift economy”, grounded in reciprocity. Musician Amanda Palmer wrote a book called The Art of Asking, and one of her reflections is that we get paralyzed if we feel undeserving. So, simply put – start by giving and the receiving will follow.

If you can approach networking based on what you can give someone else, it lessens the awkwardness you may feel about what you need.

The process of staying connected is something that salespeople and business development folks do all the time. They remind their client or prospect of common interests, while making it clear they are at top of mind.

The wealth of asynchronous technologies at our disposal makes this easier than ever before, whether you prefer LinkedIn, Twitter, Slack, WhatsApp, or email … But if we want to connect in real-time, it also means we have to be very conscious of time zones and the cadence of work and home life around the world.

With ten minutes a day, Wickre says, you can stay connected to many people. The simple act of sending a greeting, a news article, a topic of shared interest, a request for feedback – or even a joke is all it takes. In doing so, you let people know what you remember them and what they care about (or what you discussed) the last time you connected. Wickre typically does that while checking her email and news sources first thing in the morning, before her workday begins. She also recommends keeping a to-do list to keep track of follow up items or plans to reconnect.

Her guidance is simple (but not easy):

Nurture it before you need it.

The easiest way to do that is to pick a few folks that you’re thinking about, and connect with them.

Throughout the book there are sample letters for introductions, for connecting people, to ask for help. I will definitely modify them for my own purposes, but having a starting point is invaluable – I think it will help me take action on her suggestions more quickly.

While there were some good insights, I already do a lot of what she recommends. What I felt was missing for me in this chapter was a bit more detail around how to establish that habit. She recommends quality over quantity in our networks. But how many people should be in a well cultivated, high quality network? How many people should I be contacting? How much time can / should I be making time to help others? While many of these questions are deeply personal or context specific, I thought a bit more specificity on the how would have been really helpful here.

Other habits

Wickre goes on to describe other types of events, and how to engage. She talks about how to navigate in-person events as an introvert, and what success looks like in those cases (spoiler: it’s just one or two meaningful connections). She provides guidance on Small Talk (Chapter 10) and the Job Hunt (Chapter 11). In Inside Networking (Chapter 13), Wickre reminds us that networking on the job is just as critical as networking outside of it.

The Brand Called You

There are a couple of key sections in the book that talk about how to present yourself online. Wickre references (p 119) about a famous article by Tom Peters entitled “The Brand Called You” and published in Fast Company magazine. Peters article is from the 1980s (40 years ago!), but it’s as relevant as ever. If you’re not familiar with it, this post may be of interest. In brief, when you are engaging with and presenting yourself to the market, YOU are what you are selling. You need to be clear on your brand and message just as any company does.

This means being thoughtful about how you show up personally and professionally online. In Chapter 5, Wickre explains that you want to appear as a whole person ‘3D’ with interests beyond work – but not overshare. This is especially critical for young people who are accustomed to sharing many aspects of their lives on social media, or for neurodivergent folks for whom those boundaries may be less clear.

In Chapter 6 (p 114) she offers four areas of consideration – your audience, your open-ness, your content, and making conscious decisions about what you customize for each audience. How you navigate each of those requires individual reflection – there is no one-size-fits-all.

The Confidence Gap

Chapter 12 is the second-to-last chapter of Taking the Work out of Networking. The chapter is called “You’ve Got This”, and it addresses “the confidence gap” that many women experience relative to their male counterparts. Wickre reflects on what she thinks is holding us back:

1. Perfectionism. Don’t think your website or LinkedIn profile or resume needs to be perfect before connecting with people. These contacts are unlikely to be the hiring manager, so let your guard down a bit and just reach out.
2. Inflation. Don’t make it bigger than it is – for you or for them. “It’s just coffee” downplays the request. It’s not lunch, it’s not a half day workshop, “it’s just coffee”.
3. Worthiness. If you are committed to helping others who ask, why won’t you give yourself the same grace? You’re worth it! She reminds us (p 189) that:

… to build a lasting network, you should aim to be generous no only with others, but also with yourself. Most of us would gladly help someone who needs counsel, but too often we’re reluctant to get that support for ourselves.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post. I’d love to hear what you think in the comments!