I came out at the height of the AIDS epidemic, and it was a scary time. For all the beautiful stories about women caring for their gay male friends, what I remember vividly is lesbians who were deeply afraid to date bisexual women for fear of bringing AIDS into the community. There was so much fear – and rightfully so.

Thankfully, I was very lucky to have members of my extended family that helped inform my understanding of what healthy LGBTQ+ relationships looked like. My crazy aunt Dorothy lived in the Castro, and she gave her wedding dress away to a queen on the night before Halloween. She didn’t blink twice when I came out.

My uncles Bob and Mike met the same year as my parents – 1968! – and they were settled into their life and community in Palm Springs long before the AIDS crisis hit. One year while running from my problems, I spent a Christmas and New Years with them. In their social circle, the couples had all been together for decades. Between the four couples at our holiday dinner table they had 114 years together. I’ll never forget it – their lifelong commitment was an inspiration to me, and it ran counter to the prevailing media coverage about gay men at the time.

But gay men my age? There is an entire generation of them missing. On World AIDS Day, I grieve all the lives of young gay men that were lost while the Reagan administration looked away. And for the Black community now, while the current administration once again turns its back on those who most need the help. In the past year or two, Black men have had the highest rates of new HIV and AIDS diagnoses, and the prevalence of AIDS in Black women is *four times* what it is in the rest of the population. It’s unconscionable.

Today, the US government announced that it is no longer commemorating World AIDS Day, and they continue to cut domestic and global programs and funding. If you aren’t angry, you should be! It’s systemic violence and healthcare inequity at its worst. Forty years later, and we have learned absolutely nothing from the past. A disheartening day to commemorate. 💔

Below, a photo of my uncles Bob (left) and Mike (right) along with me and my now (now) wife Stephanie. Bob and Mike lived a long, happy, healthy life together, and every member of the LGBTQ community (and beyond!) deserves the same.